ChronoBlog

Damien B General Life

Do What You’re ‘posed To Do!

Just do what you’re supposed to do.  It sounds simple enough to start with, right?  Well, I’ve never accepted anything for face value, nor do I think anybody should.  And getting beyond face value, if you haven’t already, will tell you that just doing what you are supposed to do isn’t always easy nor very clear.  There are plenty of moral structures, ethical guidelines, and different belief systems that at any given point can be conflicting.  At any given time there are legal, cultural, social, religious, or business morals and ethics to consider, and various ways in which to view each one.  Is it ever ok to kill a baby? The Inuit may convince you that perhaps it is on occasion.  What is discipline, spanking, grounding?  What is exactly acting in the best interest of those you lead?  I don’t want this to become a dissertation on the morality of ethics, rather I feel I can be more useful by hitting some wave caps that will apply to a more general audience in a more suiting fashion.

I wouldn’t say I have read a lot, but maybe more than average, on ethics.  Spending time in the Marine Corps has also exposed me to additional, moral & ethical dilemma training.  With all of, or the little, that I have read, I have decided:  Just do what you are supposed to do.  I am not saying I am the perfect practitioner, but I at least have a goal to be as perfect to upholding my mantra as possible.  Choosing the “right” ethical structure is too hard.  BUT, it is much easier to identify your commitments.  If your job has certain expectations, regulations, or even just standards you have agreed to take on, they would count as a commitment.  Are you married? Whatever agreements you have made within your marriage would count as commitments.  Are you a volunteer coach? The duties of being a coach you volunteered to be are commitments, as are the expectations of the parents whose children they have entrusted you with.  I could go on, but I think we all can get a good general idea of what I will now refer to as a “commitment”.

Doing what you are supposed to do is all about internal integrity and alignment.  Much similar to the teachings of Charles Lawrence Allen, in his book “Why Good People Make Bad Choices” alignment is about deciding, FOR YOURSELF what you feel is right in your circumstances, and proving it through your actions.  If you have a commitment to someone or something, generally, the “right thing” is the choice that best honors that commitment (which won’t be the same answer for everyone).  If you made a commitment as part of your marriage to not drink, then when presented with the scenario, do what you are supposed to do, and refuse the drink.  Sleeping with someone other than your spouse might be OK, if your commitments align for you and your spouse (know where you both stand together, in agreement, what your marriage does and doesn’t mean, where your religious values are, etc).   You are driving over the speed limit? Well, if you are bringing your pregnant and in labor wife to the hospital, you are probably in alignment being as you are still meeting the intent of the traffic laws (Being as they are able to be adjusted in emergency situations).

If you are internally aligned, you are likely doing the right thing.  If you have to justify something, it usually means you are aligned with some or most commitments, but not all.  In that case, you are NOT doing what you are supposed to do.  If you are still not sure, sit down and make a list of all your commitments (by my definition, not by Webster’s).  Then make sure if there are people on the other ends of those commitments, that whatever you deem to be “right” or in with keeping the commitment, the party on the other end is in full agreement (this will also help you greatly in being more accurate in what you can expect from others, and what others should be able to expect from you).  So, the mantra sounds simple, applies differently to each person if you get down to specifics, but stays the same in principal.  Just do what you are supposed to do.

Added Note:  I will personally admit that at times, you will have urges or be greatly tempted to do whatever you are NOT supposed to do.  It happens, and, it’s part of nature.  However, I can also admit, that making the decision to do what you are supposed to do, and retaining your internal alignment will develop a sense of internal integrity that will pay off much more than the source of your temptations.

As Always, Thank you for reading!  Your comments are always welcomed!

Damien B General Life

Source Not Symptoms

I have always been a fan of solving problems.  Be it math problems, or mysteries, if I could “figure something out” I was interested.  As I got older I started taking on larger problems. I needed that feeling of accomplishment. Two of the largest and most accomplishing problems I have ever “solved” involved, one, one off my Marines, and the other, my youngest brother.  I may write something about those a later day. Today, as I make my first blog post from my Android device using the WordPress app, I want to address solving problems at their source -not just their symptoms.

Last week I was listening to either Shade 45 or Hip Hop Nation on SiriusXM satellite radio.  The topic of discussion was arguing if the age should be lowered to allow preteens to receive fat loss surgeries such as gastric-bypass or Lap-band.  Arguments seemed to lean for the dangerous surgeries. The supporting arguments generally referred to the bullying of over-weight children and their right to be seen as an equal peer amongst their peers.  Then the argument moved to the procedures giving the children a fair chance at health.  Arguments against lowering the age were limited to the immediate dangers of the actual surgical procedures and complications that may arise during the healing process.  Listening to the discussion I got quite aggravated.  Everyone was talking about a problem and trying to treat the SYMPTOMS!  Not ONCE did someone mention the SOURCE!

Being overweight = symptom. Being teased = symptom. Health issues due to obesity = symptom.  Living an unhealthy lifestyle and it being reinforced by the person’s environments = SOURCE!  This article is not about how to solve youth-obesity, but I couldn’t think of a more clear example of how we often mistakenly treat the symptoms of our problems instead of the source.  Weight loss surgeries are a temporary solution, at best, if the environment and reinforcing factors that lead to the child’s obesity aren’t addressed.

Treating the symptoms and not the source is like installing an air compressor on a tire with a hole in it so it doesn’t go flat. It will work with dramatic results at first.  But if the hole is not repaired or tire replaced, it will only get worse and the compressor will have done nothing but allowed the now worsened problem to be ignored until the problem reaches a near irreversible point. And when refereeing to health, that is definitely not the direction we want to go.

Every problem is unique, but taking the time to properly identify and treat the SOURCE of the problem instead of treating its symptoms, will generate far more successful and long term results. This applies in many places – business, marketing, health, budgeting, parenting, automotive, etc… Need I go on?

Thank you for continuing with me on my journey to better myself through the use of technology and written communication (especially with this being my first post made from my Android phone).  And please, feel free to add your comments, insights and ideas!

Posted from my Droid RAZR

Damien B Skill Building

Skills Are Perishable

I’ve decided it was time to make a post that stepped outside of the Leadership category… at least a little bit.

San Clemente, CA
ProGear Open 2010 x Nakama Brand x Pete Ulatan Photography

The Marines are always training and academics are always learning, be it the Commandant of the Marine Corps or a tenured Professor with a doctorate.  In my experiences being exposed to both, I have come to the unfortunate realization that – skills are perishable.  Just about all skills are perishable, and if not used more often than not they get “rusty”.  That is where the much abhorred term many of my past Marine Corps Martial Arts Program [MCMAP] students hate hearing becomes necessary: sustainment. Nobody likes sustaining because, “We know this already”.  However, sustainment is a PROactive habit to ensure you retain the ability to use the excuse “We know this already”.  A lack of sustainment turns, “We know this already” into, “Wait, how does that go again?”

We maintain certain diets, we put money into savings and budget for monthly expenses (well, we at least try to right?), and we make or have repairs made around the house.  We do all of these things to sustain what we need to live, and hopefully live happily.  So, why does the idea of sustainment, when referring to the skills we’ve learned over the course of our life seem so daunting?  It shouldn’t be, and I hope to help anyone reading by making sustaining a little more endurable, and possibly invigorating.

Set Goals.  I know, goal setting is supposed to be for achieving new levels, new concepts, new accomplishments, right?  Well, if we have not been doing well at sustaining the skills we have already learned at some point why not set a goal to increase the size of our buckets?  You know, THE bucket.  The one we cram with information right before an exam or performance test, filling it to the brim and then spilling contents out to the point that we forget our mother’s birthday… Sorry Mom.  Well, there we go, while it may be hard to specifically measure, we can use SMART goals to increase our skill retention, or the volume of our proverbial buckets.  SMART goals, as a reminder or for those who have not heard of them, are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Sensitive.

Here is a SMART goal for retention:  I am going to read one book that I have already read before each month.  It is specific, it can be measured (1 book per month), one book is realistic to start with, and a month is easily measured, and you can set reminders in your task organizer or Google Calendar (I’m a huge fan of Google Calendar and my Android Phone).  Now your SMART goal can be even more specific if you know there is an area you once were competent in and now are just unhappy with.

Hold Yourself Accountable.  If you find yourself saying, “I used to have this down pact, and now, I’m just getting too old for this” then you just excused yourself from being accountable.  A more appropriate, or productive response would be, “Wow, I haven’t done anything to keep myself prepared for this, I need to ensure this doesn’t happen again”.  Harboring the power that our peers have on us can be good or bad.   Try doing something as simple as making a Facebook post about something you want to make sure you do.  It is a great way of adding a control to help hold you accountable.  How many times have you held yourself to your word and did something you didn’t really feel like doing because you had already told a friend you would? We were all taught how horrible peer pressure is in school.  Well, now we can also use it for good!

With that, I say, use SMART goals to increase our SMARTS!  That last “S” now stands for “Sustain Results”!

Damien B Leadership

Leadership – Genuine and Sincere

Regimental Combat Team 5 Memorial. February, 2007.

As I write this, I’ve spent nearly 9 years in one of the most highly acclaimed leadership producing organization in the world – The United States Marine Corps.  During that time I have been given numerous opportunities to observe leaders of varying personalities and deliveries.  I have also realized that leadership is EVERYWHERE, not only in the military, business, or parenting.  Leadership just happens, and it is as sure as gravity.  The quality of leadership, however, is quite susceptible to fluctuation.  There are often common traits amongst good and great leaders, and in my experience there are two that are the most important:  Good and great leaders are genuine and sincere.

While there is much to be said about learning from those who are successful and those who came before you; there is a fine line between emulating their founding qualities, and their specific actions.  Some great leaders are great speakers and charismatic, others are quiet and reserved.   Some prefer very structured algorithms and methods in which all things have a specific procedure, while others have a high tolerance of ambiguity and seem to take things as they come.  A person can be a great leader, or even a “level 5 leader” as John Maxwell or Jim Collins would describe them with ANY of the previously described personalities.  How? They are genuine and sincere.  Their actions reflect alignment between their personalities and their delivery as a leader.  One might argue that the leader must also produce results to be considered a successful leader, which is true… but a discussion for another time.

Lead others by being GREAT at being YOU!  Yes, YOU! Don’t be that great leader you read about.  He might be great because his natural strengths to speak and motivate people afforded him amazing leadership opportunities within the situations he was presented.  If you are not a naturally strong leader, trying to mimic him will be clear to anyone you step in front of.  Your followers will know you are not being you.  Be genuine, and show your genuine intentions and concerns for the goals you intend for you and your followers to obtain.  Don’t forget to communicate and deliver your genuine message in your OWN way.  In order for anyone who chooses to follow you, they have to see your delivery and the way you present yourself are aligned with you as a genuine person.  And yes, I did say “choose” to follow you, because just being in a position of leadership doesn’t mean your “followers” will follow you.

Communicate your genuine concerns by being SINCERE!  It doesn’t take a degree in communications to know if a person isn’t committed to what they are saying.  If a message is worth communicating, then it is worth paying due attention to who you are communicating to.  Show them it matters to you that they understand what you are trying to say.  You don’t even have to be a great speaker or communicator.  The receiving party will be able to tell if you are being sincere.  As Malcolm Gladwell points out in his book, “Blink”, all humans are able to read the international language of body language.  Some better than others, but if you are not sincere, your body language will tattle-tell on you… and your intended recipient will tune you out.  Repeated offenses of seeming insincere will tarnish your reputation and take away from any chances you have of being perceived as genuine.

Being genuine and sincere are two of the mandatory qualities of a leader that also translate into the qualities of just being a good person.  I have been guilty of being insincere, and it is something I actively work on.  For example, I am working on being a better active listener.  How sincere and genuinely concerned would you believe me to be if  I told you how much I care and that you can talk to me, but when you begin to talk to me you can tell I am thinking about other things, or you don’t have my full attention?  You are probably going to think I am incredibly inconsiderate, regardless of my personality.  Or even worse, if the person thinks highly of you, you may have just made them feel like their problem doesn’t matter – that they don’t matter.  EVERYONE you lead matters!  As a leader, your followers should never feel like they don’t matter.  Thankfully I have identified that area as something for me to improve on… and believe me, there is always something to improve.

As a leader, if nothing else, be genuine and sincere.  Don’t get me wrong, that is not all you have to do to be a successful leader by any means.  There are many books by incredibly smart and well-practiced professionals that can tell you more about being a leader.  As your proficiencies grow within your area of expertise, so will your credibility as a leader.  Don’t stop there! Continue to improve, not just yourself but those that follow you (that is an entirely additional blog…).

For those interested, I have provided a short list of books on leadership that I highly recommend (and yes I have read them).  You just may find some concepts and ideas in my blog to sound strangely familiar.  I have linked their Amazon.com listings if you click on the book title:

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Good to Great by Jim Collins (more about business but plenty of insights on leadership qualities)

Great by Choice by Jim Collins

Level 5 Leadership by John C. Maxwell

It’s Your Ship by Michael Abrashoff

…If you have read this far, humor me:  Reread all but the last paragraph, and replace the word “Leader” with “Husband/Father” and the word “Follower” with “Wife/Children/Family”.  Think about it… it’s funny how that works.