ChronoBlog

Damien B General Life, Skill Building

Connectors

Mavens, Connectors and The Salesmen….  All credit due to Malcolm Gladwell and his amazing book, The Tipping Point.

I’m out to eat at restaurant A, and notice a server/bartender from restaurant B (also located nearby).  Not in uniform, she knew nearly half of the customers at restaurant A.  They didn’t just recognize her, she knew them and their stories.  And they knew hers… It was then, I saw it… She was, or rather is, a connector!

I began to notice this, and got excited that I was able to recognize it. But then I quickly thought to observe her interactions with the customers.  I wanted to further see if she was popular as just a moderately attractive “waitress” or if my snap assessment of her connector-hood, was correct.

I think her being attractive is not really a factor… When she talked with all who she knew, she listened, acknowledged, and recognized all her “fans” individually.  I was thinking… “sure, everyone talks to a bartender.. But, she wasn’t even in the place she worked.  She was at a competitor’s location!  And I don’t recall such a social, and known beyond, “I recognize you from B” waitress, server, or bartender.

So, is the natural ability to communicate with people what is so instinctive to those we call connectors? Is that the hiding-in-plain-sight secret of connectors?

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Damien B General Life, Skill Building

Keeping Productive, Not Busy

As I prepare for my transition from active duty, after 9 years, into the civilian and corporate world I have been doing my best to keep busy.  At times I find myself frustrated; frustrated in a way that I don’t feel like I am creating value… and I think I know why.

Being “busy” is not necessarily the opposite of being lazy…or even inactive.  Let’s be honest, who really likes to be “busy”?  Nobody likes to do “busy work”. To be completely honest, I absolutely abhor “busy work”.  I hate to do it, and I refuse to assign it.  In the opposite, I LOVE being productive!  The two are clearly different.  Recognizing that will increase the value we find in the task we set for ourselves.  Not because the task or activity magically becomes more valuable, but because our awareness allows us to consciously task ourselves with productive activities, not busy work.

Busy all too often becomes, doing things that consume our resources (mental, physical and spiritual) and takes away from doing what we need to get done — takes away from creating value.

Productive is actively seeking to and getting the most accomplished while bringing us the most value from the amount of resources we use to accomplish the tasks.

With that, don’t expect to find me “keeping busy” — I’ll be keeping productive!

How do you keep productive?

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Damien B General Life, Leadership

It’s The Will to Prepare to Win That Matters

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I mentioned a quote in my article, “A Brief Case on Synergy… It IS About Practice.”  Well here it is, accurately represented.

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Damien B Leadership

A Brief Case on Synergy… It IS About ‘Practice’

A new song by artist, Don Trip, has been gaining popularity on Youtube and SiriusXM satellite radio [CLICK HERE to watch/listen].  I can’t speak for broadcast radio being as I don’t really listen to it often.  The song, “Allen Iverson” includes sound bites from a interview with Mr. Iverson in regards to his tribulations with the NBA, and general growth as a man just like any of us.  I can relate to much of the song and the intent and message both the artist, and Iverson convey.  However, I do feel that perhaps, Iverson doesn’t really understand why “practice” is important, and contrary to his statement, he view does “shut it to the side”.

First, let me make a ‘seat-of-the-pants claim’ and say that there is a big issue I see with the NBA today, version the NBA in the days of the Dream Team:  There are too many skilled individuals, and not enough team-members.  I admit that the individual skills of players have created high tempos and high demands on the requirements to make it into the NBA.  However, in sort of a capitalistic way, and exemplified by the constant desire for more “compensation” the boycott displayed, too many players are more worried about how they can market themselves, than how they can build a team.  It seems in a rush to be a “star player”, individual players lose sight of their team in search of “me”.  This is what Stephen R. Covey would describe as the opposite of synergy.

There will never be another Dream Team, another Michael Jordan, another Magic era Lakers, not another TEAM until players realize that their individual skills will never add up to the value created when individuals drop their personal marketing campaign, pick up their TEAM campaign, and create more from synergistic interaction amongst players.  Why were the Giants able to beat the higher-ranked Patriots (Not once but TWICE in the Super Bowl?)  It wasn’t individual talent.  And inversely… why did the New York Knicks win 10 straight w/ Jeremy Lin starting, in C. Anthony’s absence and then lose the first two games upon their star players return? I’ll give a hint, look at the other players’ stats when Lim was on the court, vs. the other players’ stats when Anthony was on the court…  A team will play better as a WHOLE than any collection of individuals.

So, on to my point about Iverson’s argument about “practice”…  The “star” player MUST be at practice!  ALL players must be at practice. Not just for himself, but for the TEAM!  In the military, a squad is not going to prepare for a war, or deployment, or an operation, and then have their squad leader show up only for the day of execution b/c their squad leader is already so great he doesn’t need practice.  The team needs all parts, to come together, to train together, to be a TEAM together. Forgive me for not being able to quote correctly, but I saw the following mounted in the gym, on a poster:

“Everyone has the will to survive in battle; it is the will to prepare for that battle that few possess.”

Being a leader and being a part of something greater than yourself is not about being the best at what you do; it’s about making those around you the best at what they do.  They too can reproduce the same, and together any team or organization will produce results FAR beyond those imaginable by any, single, person.

I look forward to feedback and welcome constructive dialogue at all times.  Please feel free to share with your friends and subscribe to be informed of the latest contributions to LifebyDamien.com!

Damien B Leadership

Active listening… No really, actually listening.

It’s been too long since my last article, so I’ve decided to squeeze one in from my WP app for Android.  I’ve already mentioned my reading of, The Third Alternative, by Stephen Covey.  A big part in the 7 Habits, as well as the 3rd Alternative is “seeking you”.  There are always, at least, two involved in any conversation and it is imperative to truly understand what the concerns of the other person are.  Active listening is essential to obtain a true understanding of these concerns.  I’ve remembered a time where I didn’t realize I was using any particular method, but active listening produced relationship changing results.

In 2006, while deployed to Fallujah, Iraq, I noticed that one of my Marines and best friends, was acting out of sorts.  Something was bothering him and it was visible in his mannerisms, quality of work, and the look in his eyes that he couldn’t hide.  I knew I had to talk to him, but didn’t know what to use to get him to talk about what was going on.  I soon found, he didn’t need me to talk to him. He needed to talk to me…. I just needed to listen.

We sat down, and I tried to open the small talk. Dead end.  I asked questions trying to get something I could then ask follow on questions… Dead end.  Then I looked at him and said, “Charlie, what’s going on?”  He just looked at me, then looked away.  I insisted, “C’mon, what’s going on…here, home, outer space?  I know you have something going on inside and it’s killing me to see you deal with it on your own.  It’s just me and you here, What’s going on?”

He started talking. At first about random things that were frustrating, “why are we even here (Iraq)? I mean, c’mon Bert (my nick name), what are we really doing here?”  I responded, “Well, I don’t think that is what you really want the answer to…but it is clear what we are doing here seems insignificant compared to what you feel you should be dealing with.  Where do you feel like you need to be?”  He looked at me, his eyes welled up… I could tell he felt vulnerable, but he trusted me.  The tears came, and it all came out.  He was truly concerned about some concern-worthy issues back home.  My throat gets tight and my eyes still water remembering the occasion.

I could have “gone after him” and talked at him, telling him how he needed to fix his attitude and step up his performance (typical Marine counseling session).  But I never was a fan of that approach, and I knew he didn’t need to hear anything from me… He needed to know someone wanted to hear from him.  When it comes to active listening and being an effective communicator and leader, I had a whole new door to communication opened for me.  Not to mention a deeper connection with one of my best friends.

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Damien B General Life

Change the paradigm of “Bad Influence”

I’m currently reading Stephen Covey’s, The Third Alternative, and I have been reminded of a third alternative I explained to my own parents when I was in middle school.  It is a bit ego-boosting to see Mr. Covey advocates the same, or similar, ideas.

Growing up, I was constantly warned about, “bad influences”. I was told to stay away from and not be, well, influenced by them.  As any other child, adolescent, pre-teen, and many teenagers would do, I heard it, expected not to need the advice (because I was smarter than that) and didn’t question it.  But sometime in middle school, 7th grade or so, I got a crazy idea… What if I became a GOOD influence on those who were otherwise considered “bad influences”?  What if, my influence was stronger than theirs?

It was!  I had made good friends, best friends even, with a peer I will refer to as Don. Don had a reputation at our middle school as a typical bad-ass.  Teachers couldn’t get him to perform, he was quick to fight if provoked, and was put on a special monitoring program for academics and discipline.  I was sort of a nerd.  But we made friends.  I would act out on occasion based on my desire to be as cool as him, but nothing of any concern.  On the other hand, for our assigned reading in class, I convinced the teacher to allow Don and I to sit in the hall and read aloud to each other.  At first he didn’t seem to comfortable reading in front of me.  However, it didn’t take long before Don was reading on his own, and quite well, to include great comprehension.  We continued to build a great friendship.  By the end of that school year, he was off the monitoring program, and ON the honor roll.  He was always smart with incredible drive and determination. He could live up to whatever title he was given.  I like to think I gave him a different title to live up to, and he did so amazingly…and in contrast to the title the teachers and possibly some of his other friends gave him.

I had another friend, “Mark”, that was notorious for doing things that weren’t the smartest, but more the sort of activity described as “acting out”.  On one occasion, he stole two pagers/beepers from a house a mutual friend was baby sitting at.  A couple other friends and I wanted to see Mark do better, and our goal was to convince him it was more cool to just “do what you are supposed to do”.  We convinced him that we would accompany him to return the pagers to the house (the owners aware they were missing) in an anonymous envelope with an apology letter.  As we turned the corner to the house, we saw a group of parents in front of it… They were expecting our friend Mark – to confront him.  They did not know we had convinced him to take the pagers back.  They saw us and ran at us.  We did what any scared middle school kids would do – turned and ran.  We made it 2 blocks and into the park before the first parent made it to the corned they saw us on.  They caught us, and chaos ensued.  My other friend Kent had the pagers, and he started taking accusations.  Mark was tackled and fighting with one of the parents. The cops were on the way… And we were all trying to get out the story of how we were trying to return the pagers.  We also had to explain how we planned on being a good influence on our friend Mark…much to the dismay and disbelief of the group of parents and police officers.

The event landed Mark on house arrest.  We kept to our guns, and after pleading with my own parents and convincing them of our plan to be a good influence on Mark, we were allowed to visit him.  His Probation Officer of all people was a fan of our plan.  Mark did well after, and as long as we were around, he enjoyed having good influence and people who believed in him, around him.  I can’t tell you were he is now, but all of us have gone or own ways.

There will always be “bad influences”… I ask that we all take a moment to realize those bad influences are more often than not, great opportunities waiting to be unlocked.  Don’t just isolate the “bad” but do something about it.  Sometimes we all need a nudge and a nod when being reminded of – doing what we are supposed to do.

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Damien B General Life

It’s Not About You!

I want to take a deeper look in the mirror this morning.

Take a Deeper Look
A deeper look in the mirror

Being as it has been a bit longer than I planned since my last post, I wanted to bring a little more “to the fight” this time to show I utilized my additional prep-time accordingly.  In a recent binge of reading I have been doing, mostly on Marketing and Leadership, I have decided to mix things up with a bit of philosophy.  My choice of poison was Michel Foucault’s, The Use of Pleasure, Volume 2: The History of Sexuality.  In reading, I couldn’t help but make a comparison of the aggregate, third and fourth century lifestyles in Greek Theology, Christianity and Paganism to that of modern day or “today’s” societies.  Something stuck out to me…  Of all the issues that required moral guidance, all three religious structures were formed around a central theme:  moral code, religious guidance and general rule would ensure the individual was aware that his or her actions would be judged and moral or immoral based on the impact or duty paid to the city, or society.  Today, it seems the modernized world has reversed that ideology.  Today, it seems the majority of individuals are more concerned with what society can do for the individual.

Where is MY tax check?  What about MY unemployment?  What are THEY doing for ME?  I don’t owe THEM anything!  THEY cut off OUR funding.  It’s not MY responsibility.  I can go on, and I have muttered many of the same phrases.  I feel like we, as a society, truly have shifted our focus to what we as individuals can get from society, and have turned off or greatly reduced our concern for our own impact and input to society.  But is there a chance that if we looked a bit more outward, that focusing on our society before ourselves could create a better lives for ourselves AND those around us in the process?  In Sarano Kelley’s book, The Game: Win Your Life in 90 Days, there is an entire chapter referring to charity.  But more importantly, Kelley often refers to the mindset of being focused on how we can help others, and argues an outward focus away from one’s individual needs often returns greater yield for the individual in the long run.  I’d have to say I agree.  Doing something that brings me personal satisfaction may make me happy until that stimulant is removed.  But I can find true and lasting joy knowing I’ve done something to enable someone else to find their own happiness.

I’d like to place a small section from “The Use of Pleasure” that I found impactful to me, where Foucault recalls Plato’s explanation of “the craftsman”:

“…On the other hand, the man who ought to lead others was one who had to be completely in command of himself: both because, given his position and the power he wielded, it would be easy for him to satisfy all his desires, and hence to give way to them, but also because disorderly behavior on his part would have its effects on everyone and in the collective life of the city.  In order not to be excessive, not to do violence, in order to avoid the trap of tyrannical authority (over others) coupled with a soul tyrannized by desires, the exercise of political power required, as its own principle of internal regulation, power of oneself…that is, [moderation] was a virtue that qualified a man to exercise his mastery over others. The most kingly man was a king of himself.”(Foucault 1985, 80-81).

I believe the passage speaks for itself. I would like to point out that as many military leaders have been taught, or rather referenced to: With great power comes great responsibility.  All of us are in positions of power in different ways – some more than others.  I am not saying we all should venture into debt, or create debt in random acts of charity as denoted by financial “charity”.  Rather, I believe most of us stand to gain a greater collection of people we interact with and a more joy-filled life if we just keep a greater awareness of our impact on others – on society.  Just a greater awareness of our impact on others will adjust simple actions that add to the better of the whole.

Damien B Leadership

Empowerment and Reivew

Hours before departing to Iraq.

“Empowerment” is another one of those key terms that business leaders like to refer to.  It is also used freely in military instruction when referring to influencing an organized group towards a common goal (leadership).  It is also one of those words that has a million caveats, what-ifs, how-tos, and no real black and white instruction to be read and understood.  As is every other article I’ve composed, I’m going to give my views and experiences on empowerment, and add what I feel is an important, and reinforcing supplement: Review and personal reflection.

Telling someone that you have the genuine confidence in them that they can achieve something is almost always a sure way to get results.  We learned that when we were told, “you can do it, I know it” the first time we balanced ourselves out on our bicycles without our training wheels.  I know I personally am more likely to achieve something I don’t think I could if someone else told me they thought I could, and then set me on course to do so.  Even more convincing is when I know I am being counted on to accomplish that task, or reach that goal.  Therein lies the difference between encouragement and empowerment.  You can encourage someone with confidence to achieve previously doubtful goals.  In order to empower someone, you must not only encourage, but place them in control of something that is being relied on by more than just that person’s desire for accomplishment.   They have to be given something that they know will be looked at as a product of their efforts, and then encouraged to “show us what you’ve got”.

There are two specific examples of my professional career where I felt the effects of empowerment as the subject who was empowered.  First, was when as a junior Corporal in the Marine Corps, I was placed in a billet well above my pay grade and assigned to those with 5+ more years of experience than I had at the time.  I was firing on all cylinders just to tread water at first.  A month into it, my Master Gunnery Sergeant, the highest ranking enlisted Marine in my trade had a talk with me.  He asked if I felt I need to have a Staff Non-Commissioned Officer assigned to my section (which rated 2 of them).  If I did, he would get one assigned.  But he then told me that he would be interested to see how I did in the role… and if I was up for the challenge, the “shop” was mine.  He said he didn’t expect me to be an expert to start, but expected me to do my best and he had confidence in me either way.  I asked for the chance.  The personal drive I had to be the absolute best at anything that pertained to the job I had or Marines I was leading was palpable.

The second example was while I was deployed to Iraq.  I was acting as a chief instructor for enhanced marksmanship.  My company Executive Officer (XO) and my  section Gunnery Sergeant (direct boss) said I was responsible for running a 2 day range, and that I would be instructing to subordinates, peers and senior ranked Marines that had not been introduced to the Enhanced Marksmanship Program.  I felt their confidence in me, and there was nothing I was afraid of more than making the XO or Gunnery Sergeant look bad by giving me the chance.  I had to prove they made the right decision.

I later was told by the XO that some of the senior Marines from the range I instructed approached him directly to mention their appreciation for the range and quality of instruction.  I was floored!  Then I was surprised… The XO sat me down with a video recording of the range and all the informal lectures I gave as a part of the shooting package.  He told me I received a lot of compliments, but, he wanted me to see what they thought was good.  He also wanted me to see myself, and see what I thought I could do better.  He provided his insight, but he gave me the chance to review myself.  I didn’t comprehend what he was doing at the time beyond face value… but I was able to reflect, and what he did was HUGE!  I was motivated with empowerment, and then held accountable for my choices, good or bad, and encouraged to do it all over again!  They told me they had confidence in me, that I was allowed and EXPECTED to learn at full speed, and that no matter how well I thought I ever did at anything, it could always be improved.

I never got to thank any of them for those lessons… but if they read this, they know who they are.

Master Guns, XO, Gunny,

Thank You.

Damien B Skill Building

It’s Not Education; It’s Just a Distraction

Alright, we are going to dive into something a little more on a limb, but something I have been thinking about since I wrote a note about the subject during my Youth and Society, Sociology class in college.  We were discussing how recent studies have shown that youth who were in preschool at earlier ages were more successful in grade school, middle school, high school and had higher acceptance rates to colleges.  Please don’t ask for a citation to which study, because I did not make that note in my notebook when we had the class discussion.  We were often led to believe that the reason for this was earlier exposure to learning methods and general academia.  But I had a question… was THAT really the reason?  I think it might have more to do with behavior and human interaction.  Perhaps the children who start school at a younger age, do better because they learn intangible interpersonal skills during early developmental stages.  This allowing them to battle less complexities as they grow older, and are able to focus more on academics and less on how they interact with their peers as they go through school.

Are academics and school curricula what are bringing success to our children, or is it all a distraction that allows the real magic to work?   The teachers are assigning, the students are completing.  But what makes one student more successful than the other?  More importantly, what seem to be the catch phrases in corporate America?  There are some words I have noticed: cohesion, teamwork, network, personality testing; putting the right people in the right seats on the bus; EQ v. IQ.  With exception to specific technical trades, academics have reached a plateau as to what one can use to truly excel.  And in today’s business, I think our Kindergarten teachers were on to something they didn’t even know they were on to: If you don’t know how to play nice with others, you don’t get to play at all.

I’m not saying I think academics are to be valued less.  More so, I am calling attention to the importance of interpersonal skills.  Today, HR and business students learn about IQ, which most are familiar with, but also EQ… the measure of one’s awareness of others’ emotional states and how one’s actions affect those around him.  Knowing how your actions affect the rest of the process in an organization has proven incredibly yielding in corporate America as well as the government.  Zappos, the online super-store with the zany-creativity of Founder Tony Hsieh (who is rather not so zany in appearance) has a training program and incredible level of success that incorporates this theory.  Every Zappos employee, upon hiring, goes through their training period where they spend time working in all the departments of the company (Shipping, warehousing, customer service, etc) before starting in the position they were hired for.   If you are curious as to just HOW successful Zappos has been, and you aren’t already wearing shoes you bought from the site, then just enlist the powers of Google and you will see.

The Marine Corps is touted as one of the most effective and cohesive martial cultures and fighting organizations in the world.  It is also the only US service where all enlisted personnel attend the same basic training before continuing in their respective specialties, and all officers attend the same 6-month basic school before going off for additional training in their respective specialties.  By the time a Marine Officer has made it to his or her assignment in the fleet of combat ready Marines, they have a respect and understanding for what their counter-parts are contributing.  This greatly helps in implicit (commercially read: efficient) communication and coordination.  There is also a great bond and commitment to all members across the organization.  This breeds greater efforts and higher yielding results.

For the most part, we’ve all been student drivers.  When we first started driving, blind-spots could be a complete disaster, or negligible.  But checking our mirrors and checking for the vehicles around us were conscious efforts when we first started.  But once we learned, we were able to do all of that effectively, and spend more attention focusing on more precise driving skills.  Are those blind spots to new drivers the same thing as EQ to preschoolers? I think so.

If you have input or believe there is something I have missed, as always, I encourage your input!  Thank You!

Damien B Leadership

Not Just a Number

WTC Memorial Pond

I have talked about being genuine and sincere, and I have been pondering on something that I feel is an important part of demonstrating genuine and sincere concern for yourself, and others.  Also, instead of describing something you are supposed to do, this time let’s talk about something you just aren’t supposed to do – Look at and manipulate numbers.

This has nothing to do with “cooking books” or white collar crime.  Have you ever felt like just another patient at the doctor’s office, or even ER?  Have you felt like just another cubicle space at work?  Have you ever felt like just another seat on the bench or just didn’t have a seat at the table at all?  If you have, then you know what I mean when I refer to being treating like a number; just another one of many to be dealt with.  Let me say this, while scarcity can promote great levels of drive, nobody should have to feel like a number.  Let me add, we all need to ensure we, ourselves, are not making anybody else feel like just another number.

Being a number is sort of inversely related to having a purpose.  People who feel a sense of purpose don’t feel like numbers.  People with a sense of purpose try harder because they know their impact matters.  People who feel like numbers find excuses to perform at lesser levels because they feel their impact is negligible.  I’ve been in both positions, and felt those feelings, in magnificent ways.

In a business sense, I can’t think of too many things that a business can do worse than treating their customers like numbers.  It just tells customers, “We don’t really need you”.  All over the globe, business mission statements have adapted, showing a sense of “care” or interest in each individual customer.  Of course this has to be done within reason, but friendly customer service and simple human interaction with a genuine customer service associate is free.   Customers will always have a choice, and with that, just a price and features list will not grab loyalty.  When trying to gain and retain customers, especially in hard to differentiate product or service industries, no business can afford to tell a genuine customer, “We don’t really need you”.

In a personal sense, I’ve decided that I can make an impact in this arena and I encourage others to do the same.  Whether at work with a co-worker or customer/client, or off-hours with family or friends – don’t make anyone feel like a number.  I am going to be consciously working on my active listening skills, and ensuring whoever has my attention truly has my attention.  I can tell when my kids try to tell me a story, and they fade off knowing I haven’t really listened… I intend on changing that.  To me it might have come across as just another story.  To my kids, maybe it was one of few precious times they got to have my attention and explain to me a little bit about their world for the day.

With that, I say be aware.  Be aware that your interaction with someone may be “routine” for you, but to them the quality/content/frequency of the interaction may carry weight unseen to you.  Every experience is a new one.  If you feel yourself blowing somebody off, remember the last time you had horrible service as just another patient, or your proposal was dismissed as just another stack of paper to be read.  The relationships I have valued most and have been so memorable to me all have one thing in common – that person never let me feel like a number.  The relationships I have abhorred and made me the most frustrated all had one thing in common – I felt like just another number.