Damien B Consulting, Leadership, Team Building

Lose Control, Gain Influence

I like to be adventurous sometimes… and this is something that has come to mind and I’ve noticed in Global, Political and local context.  So I’d like to address it some, and briefly apply it to team building and entry-level leadership and manager roles.

Human people, as a mass, are control freaks.  We will always try to find blame for bad things on attributes which can be controlled, or that we at least perceive we can control.  It gives us peace of mind to think we can do something to prevent the recurrence of a mal-event.

It is much less likely for people in mass, to attribute mal-events to forces that are much more difficult to control, require a shift in thought in order to control, or are simply not controllable.  The only exceptions to this rule are those mal-events that are results of natural disasters.  Even then, there will be those that will try to rationalize that any negative effects of the natural disaster were preventable, or controllable, based on some aspect of human error.

We as people are horrible at differentiating what CAN be influenced, and what CANNOT be influenced.  I use the word “influence” intentionally.  No single thing can be controlled, but it can be influenced.  And often, people over-look the ability of influence.  The best influences are those that are never realized, yet effect the decisions and the results of events.

To this, I say – always seek out and diligently identify any contributing factors to an outcome, if you are looking to effect the outcome.  This works in micro and macro applications.  When managing a team and you notice a lack, or shift in performance or results, first identify all contributing factors (team members, member’s work environment, your implicit signals, members’ home environments, etc).  Then, analyze where you should focus your INFLUENCE (not “control”).

Well placed influence will always reap a higher return and more efficient results than emplacing “controls” or “exercising control”.  If you feel like you’ve lost “control” of your team – change your mindset.  Stop trying to control people and control the environment and start influencing people and harboring the environment.  The best part of influencing anyone or anything – effectively influencing forces you to listen, comprehend, and understand the subject of your intended influence.

How do you influence others?

Damien B General Life

Change the paradigm of “Bad Influence”

I’m currently reading Stephen Covey’s, The Third Alternative, and I have been reminded of a third alternative I explained to my own parents when I was in middle school.  It is a bit ego-boosting to see Mr. Covey advocates the same, or similar, ideas.

Growing up, I was constantly warned about, “bad influences”. I was told to stay away from and not be, well, influenced by them.  As any other child, adolescent, pre-teen, and many teenagers would do, I heard it, expected not to need the advice (because I was smarter than that) and didn’t question it.  But sometime in middle school, 7th grade or so, I got a crazy idea… What if I became a GOOD influence on those who were otherwise considered “bad influences”?  What if, my influence was stronger than theirs?

It was!  I had made good friends, best friends even, with a peer I will refer to as Don. Don had a reputation at our middle school as a typical bad-ass.  Teachers couldn’t get him to perform, he was quick to fight if provoked, and was put on a special monitoring program for academics and discipline.  I was sort of a nerd.  But we made friends.  I would act out on occasion based on my desire to be as cool as him, but nothing of any concern.  On the other hand, for our assigned reading in class, I convinced the teacher to allow Don and I to sit in the hall and read aloud to each other.  At first he didn’t seem to comfortable reading in front of me.  However, it didn’t take long before Don was reading on his own, and quite well, to include great comprehension.  We continued to build a great friendship.  By the end of that school year, he was off the monitoring program, and ON the honor roll.  He was always smart with incredible drive and determination. He could live up to whatever title he was given.  I like to think I gave him a different title to live up to, and he did so amazingly…and in contrast to the title the teachers and possibly some of his other friends gave him.

I had another friend, “Mark”, that was notorious for doing things that weren’t the smartest, but more the sort of activity described as “acting out”.  On one occasion, he stole two pagers/beepers from a house a mutual friend was baby sitting at.  A couple other friends and I wanted to see Mark do better, and our goal was to convince him it was more cool to just “do what you are supposed to do”.  We convinced him that we would accompany him to return the pagers to the house (the owners aware they were missing) in an anonymous envelope with an apology letter.  As we turned the corner to the house, we saw a group of parents in front of it… They were expecting our friend Mark – to confront him.  They did not know we had convinced him to take the pagers back.  They saw us and ran at us.  We did what any scared middle school kids would do – turned and ran.  We made it 2 blocks and into the park before the first parent made it to the corned they saw us on.  They caught us, and chaos ensued.  My other friend Kent had the pagers, and he started taking accusations.  Mark was tackled and fighting with one of the parents. The cops were on the way… And we were all trying to get out the story of how we were trying to return the pagers.  We also had to explain how we planned on being a good influence on our friend Mark…much to the dismay and disbelief of the group of parents and police officers.

The event landed Mark on house arrest.  We kept to our guns, and after pleading with my own parents and convincing them of our plan to be a good influence on Mark, we were allowed to visit him.  His Probation Officer of all people was a fan of our plan.  Mark did well after, and as long as we were around, he enjoyed having good influence and people who believed in him, around him.  I can’t tell you were he is now, but all of us have gone or own ways.

There will always be “bad influences”… I ask that we all take a moment to realize those bad influences are more often than not, great opportunities waiting to be unlocked.  Don’t just isolate the “bad” but do something about it.  Sometimes we all need a nudge and a nod when being reminded of – doing what we are supposed to do.

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